I Don't Care

     I don't care how I look like in your eyes anymore, in your memories, or how my existence actually means something or nothing to you at all. I don't. I won't. I will stop caring on how people perceive me as a jerk by treating you this way, do they know how you treated me? I was fine, by the fact that you ignored me back then, how I was the only one fighting to make the word 'I' and 'You' into an 'Us'. How I was the only one waiting to caught a glimpse of your silhouette by the window. How I was the only one approaching you first. How I was the only one that had to search for a topic to talk to you about, because we're in a different class and I couldn't talk that much to you. How I was the only one searching for a way to cross paths by you. I was fine by the fact that I was the only one fighting

But then I let go of you. And you said that you've always loved me from way back then.

That put a halt on my beating heart. That broke all the beliefs I had in my mind.

     I thought that I was fighting to get your attention. All the sufferings were worth something. But no, what you said broke me. I already got your attention, your love. I shouldn't have to suffered that much, only to get what I already have. But you did nothing, you see, nothing, to stop me from my suffering. You didn't say that you love me when I cried over you, didn't say that you care for me when I thought that I'm all alone, didn't say that you accept me for who I am, when most of them perceived me as a freak.

You were beside me when I was happy

But never when I'm in the downfall

How could you say that the happy me, was me?

How could you say you know me, my family

when none of them, does?

But they were there, my friends. They saw me at my most miserable times. That's when they say they love me. They love me for who I am. Their words, I could believe.

But not yours. Not anymore.

You don't even believe that I loved you. Even after all those. After all the fucking fights. You still can say that nobody ever loved you.

How, tell me, can I believe yours? Who did nothing at all to help me, way back then. You were only there in the happy times. You who broke me. You.

I don't care. No more. I beg you.

Not myself, not you, not the world.