If things were to be the opposite

[1]

     I looked up high to the sky and saw nothing. Maybe there're the clouds and the birds and the blue sky. But I feel like I saw nothing. Like it's only a gap with nothing but oxygen and many other chemicals filling it... Like it's only a beautiful painting attached to the ceilings. The sky doesn't look that open. Every time I looked up, I feel like I'm caged down on earth. Because it will never let me go. The sky. It's there to set a boundary and to limit my movement. My room's ceilings, however, is so much better than the sky.

     It's nothing much. a plain, broken white-colored ceilings with tainted colors here and there, A small light bulb that shines a warm-orange-ish light. Father said that I had to make do with such little lightnings, for he has so little money and that he couldn't afford the brightest light bulb there is. But he promised me that he would bought me one, if he has the money, so that I don't have to squint every time I read a book. Father said that he doesn't like it when I do that, because it's not good for my eyes. But he never scolded me. Every time he caught me reading in my room, he only looked at me with that sad face of his. I wish that he would scold me and get angry at me from time to time. 

     But I can't help it. I love reading in my room. The warm light, although not bright enough for me to properly read a book, feels so gentle and tender. I can imagine Mom wrapping her hands around me, hugging me as I'm slowly drifting off to sleep. I like to pretend that Mom's reading me a bed time story, you see. I like to imagine that I'm in my Mom's arms, her reading the story with a voice much like mine, but softer and calmer. Her soothing words I imagined in my mind, was like a lullaby. Sometimes I pretend that it's Father, too. So that he wont feel left out. Although Father's still here with me, he's so busy with his work that he couldn't help but left me being home alone from time to time. He always cook enough for my breakfast, lunch, and dinner, though. He always make sure that I wont be starving. But I never saw him eat, at least not when he's with me. He's so skinny and pale. I hope he's been eating well. 

     But I think... the reality is the opposite... maybe he misses Mom's and sister's presence here with us, just like me.