Bla bla blah

     When was the last time that I rant here? Where I actually talk. Not like, you know, being all melancholic and all that. I think it has been a long time, I don't know, I feel like I haven't talked much about what happened to me. Not like I want to, but meh. Nothing actually happened, anyway, it was just like a swirl of emotions, my father was the trigger for the mood swings and all the personality disorder coming back to me. But just the trigger, there is no particular reason for all... this... to hold out for so long, even until now. But I don't mind anymore. I feel good! Even with all the mood swings, believe me, you could get used to something like that.

     I've let go of some things, some people, some memories, some shit that I shouldn't be thinking. It's like I'm finally free! I don't know which side of me that wrote that statement. But hey. Despite that mood swings, constantly crying with no particular reason, banging and breaking things because rage much, just sitting in  the corner of the room and feeling empty, laughing at things I shouldn't laugh at (I found myself laughing out loud while watching The Orphan. My whole family stared at me as if I was Satan) and crushing people's idea of happiness, being the outcast, man, it's actually not that bad. It's like I have swallowed my empathy down into my stomach. The me that gives a fuck, doesn't actually give a single fuck. Unless I know them and they know me. Then I guess I do give a fuck about them. But seriously. It feels good! Like good, good. Like I can crush people's idea of the 'me' that they like. I can just walk away from their life. I want them to. There's actually still a bit of good in me but meh, don't show it much. Kinda suppressing it right now to not let it write much of a non-sense like "I'LL CHANGE! HELP!1!! I DON'T WANT YOU GUYS TO LEAVE ME!1!!11!" No fuck. This is me. All of this emotion that took control of this body IS me. Don't accept me for it. So, maybe I am mentally unstable, I need help, sure. But you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. Being like this is way easier. The one that hurts me is myself. Not others. Just me. I don't have to worry about any shit. Being happy and not being happy is the same.

     So there you go folks, you have lost 'me' that you knew. What'cha gonna do about it? If you wont run away, I will just have to annoy you to the point where you can't believe that you ever fight for the likes of me.

I'm turning into a sociopath aren't I