fluffy heart

it's pretty fucking awkward when you don't even know how you should feel. Someone likes you, okay, should you feel happy or be bothered by the flowery flowery feeling? Someone cares about you, okay, should you thank them or do you see them as a fake? Someone hates you, okay, should you change yourself or would you not give a fuck? Someone leaves you, okay, should you be sad about it or would you feel relieved because God revealed which is true to you and which is not? Someone touches you, okay, would you be comfortable by the affection you got or should you brush them off and tell them to back off?

But what if, if, you feel both feelings, all at once? What if you're uncomfortable but you can't bear to not feel any affection? What if you're irritated by the icky feeling of romance in your life but somehow life seems dull without it? What if you're not sure whetever they see you as a friend or not but you couldn't just be front about it because you're afraid that you'll lose them? What if you're happy that your bridge is burned but at the same time you feel a huge loss inside your heart, that it kinda hits you, you can't go back there again, you can't go back and make things turned into the way it used to be. And you're not so sure if you're ready to be, either. 

What if you just turned into a big ball of shadow of sadness or idk what I'm talking about.

What if.

If.

But boy, this is not an if anymore, isn't it? It's real. This is happening. 

and regrets, although your life is well, although you were born with the silver spoon in your mouth, it will always be there.

No matter how much you change yourself, it wont matter. It wont matter unless you believe. That everything will be alright in the end.