i know im such a messed up shit but i didnt think that i could hate myself more

       As I type this out on my laptop, I can see that ugly reflection of a girl with swollen eyes, with a pair of dark eye bags, an ugly frown that clearly convinced myself that things wont get better. It's that emotion where you're so... so... so angry, you couldn't think of any pretty words to say. All you wanted to do is smash that capslock button, type random fucking shit that goes around in your brain because you need to let it out somehow. Crying seems like the right thing to do but you can't let it out because you're angry at yourself it's a desperate feeling where you just want to scold yourself but you know what comes with it. You know what'll happen when you yourself get punished. I am avoiding that. I avoid hurting myself more than what I've done in the past. It's such a precious and important little th-